Category: Mental Health

Vulnerability is Nectar for Narcissists

Vulnerability is Nectar for Narcissists

Unveiling the Manipulative Dance

Vulnerability, often regarded as a human quality that fosters connection and empathy, can paradoxically become a breeding ground for narcissistic individuals to exploit and manipulate. The interplay between vulnerability and narcissism is a complex dance, where the vulnerable often find themselves unwittingly ensnared in the web of self-serving individuals. In this article, we explore how vulnerability acts as nectar for narcissists, drawing them in with the promise of empathy only to be used as pawns in their self-centred games.

What is Vulnerability?

Vulnerability is an inherent part of the human experience, which signifys openness, emotional transparency and the willingness to expose oneself to the potential for harm or rejection. It is a crucial aspect of genuine human connections, allowing individuals to forge bonds based on shared experiences, emotions and trust. However, when vulnerability encounters a narcissistic force, the dynamics take a dark turn.

The Narcissistic Persona

Narcissists, characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration and a lack of empathy, often seek out vulnerabilities in others to serve their own agenda which is why vulnerability is nectar for narcissist. Their charismatic and charming facade can be particularly alluring to those who are susceptible to emotional openness, creating a perfect storm for manipulation.

The Manipulative Dance

Narcissists are adept at identifying and exploiting vulnerabilities in others. They employ a variety of tactics to gain control and feed their insatiable need for attention and validation. One such tactic is the love bombing phase, where the narcissist showers their target with excessive praise, attention and affection. This creates a false sense of security and emotional connection, leading the vulnerable individual to lower their guard.

As the relationship progresses, the narcissist gradually exploits the vulnerabilities they have identified. They may undermine the target’s self-esteem, gaslight them into questioning their reality, or exploit their emotional wounds for personal gain. The vulnerable individual, initially drawn in by the apparent empathy and understanding, becomes entangled in a toxic web of manipulation.

The Cycle of Exploitation

Narcissists thrive on the emotional energy of their victims. The more vulnerable an individual is, the more susceptible they become to the narcissist’s tactics. This cycle of exploitation often leads to a power dynamic where the narcissist maintains control while the vulnerable party is left emotionally drained and confused and in many cases isolated from their friends and families.

Breaking Free

Recognising the toxic dance between vulnerability and narcissism is the first step toward breaking free from the manipulative grip. Building resilience, setting boundaries, and cultivating self-awareness are essential tools for individuals to protect themselves from falling prey to narcissistic manipulation.

Conclusion

While vulnerability is a genuine and valuable aspect of the human experience, it is crucial to be aware of the potential dangers when it encounters narcissistic individuals. Understanding the manipulative dance that ensues allows individuals to navigate relationships more cautiously and protect themselves from falling victim to the insidious tactics of narcissists. By fostering a culture of awareness and resilience, society can mitigate the impact of narcissistic exploitation and promote healthier, more authentic connections.

For individual support I am here for you. Contact me to book an initial session and I will support you.

This blog was collated from internet sources and your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Seasonal Affected Disorder and how to manage it

Seasonal Affected Disorder and how to manage it

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression which is evoked during a specific time of the year. Typically SAD occurs during the autumn and winter months when the days are shorter due to less natural sunlight. It is believed to be related to the changes in light exposure, which can disrupt the body’s internal clock and lead to imbalances in certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and melatonin. SAD is more common here in the UK due to the long, dark winters.

Symptoms of SAD

The symptoms of SAD can vary in severity but often include:

  • Persistent low mood or sadness.
  • Irritability.
  • Fatigue and low energy.
  • Difficulty concentrating.
  • Changes in appetite, often with cravings for carbohydrate-rich foods.
  • Oversleeping or difficulty sleeping.
  • Weight gain.

Strategies to support SAD

If you suspect that you or someone you know is experiencing SAD, here are some strategies to help support and manage it:

Light Therapy: Light therapy, or phototherapy, is a common treatment for SAD. Special light boxes that emit bright light, similar to natural sunlight, can help alleviate symptoms.

Outdoor Exposure: Try to spend more time outdoors during daylight hours, even on overcast days. Take walks, go for a run, or engage in other outdoor activities to increase your exposure to natural light.

Diet and Exercise: Maintain a healthy diet and regular exercise routine. Eating well and staying physically active can help boost your mood and energy levels.

Supplements: Some people find relief from SAD symptoms by taking vitamin D supplements, due to the connection between vitamin D deficiency and SAD.

Counselling and Psychotherapy: Talking with a counsellor can be effective in supporting and managing SAD. It can help individuals develop coping strategies and address negative thought patterns.

Medication: In some cases, a doctor may prescribe antidepressant medication to help manage SAD symptoms. This is usually considered when other treatments are not effective.

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: Practicing relaxation techniques, meditation and mindfulness can help reduce stress and improve your overall mood.

Maintain a Routine: Stick to a regular schedule to help regulate your body’s internal clock. This includes consistent wake and sleep times.

Seek Professional Help: If your symptoms are severe or persistent, it is important to consult a mental health professional or a general practitioner (GP) who can help determine the most appropriate treatment plan for you.

Supportive Social Network: Talk to friends and family about how you are feeling. Their support can be invaluable during this time.

SAD is real and treatable

SAD is a real and treatable condition and seeking professional help is an important step if you or someone you know is struggling with it. You can start by consulting your GP or a mental health specialist to discuss your symptoms and explore treatment options tailored to your specific needs.

For individual counselling I am here for you. Contact me to book an initial session and I will support you.

If you are in crisis and want immediate support please call the Samaritans who offer a free 24 hour helpline – Phone: 116 123 – Website: www.samaritans.org

Helpful Contacts

Anxiety UK – can provide advice and support for people living with anxiety, which may be related to SAD.
Helpline: 03444 775 774
Text service: 07537 416 905
Website:  https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk

CALM – The Campaign Against Living Miserably CALM is another organisation that provides listening services, information, and support for anyone who needs to talk, including a web chat service.
Telephone: 0800 58 58 58
Website: https://www.thecalmzone.net

Depression UK – is a self-help organisation made up of individuals and local groups that can provide support and information related to depression, which is a common symptom of SAD.
Website: https://www.depressionuk.org

Rethink – Rethink Mental Illness provides support and information for anyone affected by mental health problems, including local support groups.
Telephone: 0808 801 0525
Website: https://rethink.org

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Panic Attacks and what happens to our Brain

Panic Attacks and what happens to our Brain

What is Panic?

Panic is a form of extreme anxiety and is characterised by intense and sudden feelings of fear and distress. When we experience panic, our brain undergoes several complex physiological and psychological changes in response to a perceived threat or danger.

What happens to our brain when we panic ?

  • Amygdala Activation: The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped cluster of nuclei in the brain responsible for processing emotions, especially fear and threat detection. When we perceive a potential threat or danger, the amygdala becomes highly activated. This triggers a rapid emotional response, including the release of stress hormones like adrenaline.

  • Hypothalamus Activation: The hypothalamus, another brain structure, is responsible for regulating the body’s stress response. When the amygdala signals danger, it communicates with the hypothalamus, which in turn stimulates the release of stress hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones prepare the body for a “fight or flight” response.

  • Increased Heart Rate: As adrenaline is released into the bloodstream, it causes the heart rate to increase. This helps pump more oxygenated blood to the muscles and vital organs, preparing the body for quick action.

  • Rapid Breathing: Panic often leads to shallow and rapid breathing, a response designed to increase oxygen intake for the body’s heightened state of alertness and physical readiness.

  • Muscle Tension: Muscles may become tense and primed for action during a panic episode, which can lead to physical symptoms such as trembling or jitteriness.

  • Tunnel Vision and Heightened Focus: During panic, people often experience a narrowing of their focus, known as tunnel vision. This hyperfocus is meant to concentrate attention on the perceived threat but can lead to difficulty processing peripheral information.

  • Impaired Rational Thinking: Panic can impair cognitive functioning, making it difficult to think clearly or logically. This can result in irrational thoughts and actions.

  • Decreased Activity in the Pre-Frontal Cortex: The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and rational thought, may become less active during panic. This can lead to impulsive behaviour and poor decision-making.

  • Activation of the Autonomic Nervous System: The autonomic nervous system controls involuntary bodily functions. Panic triggers the sympathetic branch of this system, responsible for the “fight or flight” response, leading to the release of stress hormones and physiological changes mentioned above.

  • Heightened Emotional State: Panic often leads to intense feelings of fear, dread, and a sense of impending doom. These emotions can be overwhelming and difficult to control.

How to support Panic

It is important to acknowledge that it can be disruptive and distressing having a panic attack or chronic panic disorder. If you experience recurrent panic attacks you are likely to benefit from professional help, such as counselling or medication. Understanding the physiological and psychological processes involved in panic can be a first step in learning how to cope with and manage your panic.Understanding your triggers and working through them may be supportive in reducing the frequency of your panic attacks and this can be done in Counselling.

For individual counselling I am here for you. Contact me to book an initial session and I will support you.

If you are in crisis and want immediate support please call the Samaritans who offer a free 24 hour helpline – Phone: 116 123 – Website: www.samaritans.org

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

How to stay focused with Adult ADHD

How to stay focused with adult ADHD

Staying focused with adult ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) can be challenging, but there are strategies and techniques that can help you manage your symptoms and improve your ability to concentrate. However, it is important to remember that what works for one person may not work for another, so you may need to experiment with different strategies to find what works best for you.

ADHD staying Focused Tips

Here are some tips to help you stay focused with adult ADHD:

  • Seek Professional Help: First and foremost, consider working with a healthcare professional, such as a psychiatrist or therapist, who specialises in ADHD. They can provide you with a proper diagnosis, treatment options (which may include medication) and guidance on managing your symptoms.

  • Medication: ADHD medications, such as stimulants or non-stimulants, can be highly effective in improving focus and concentration. Consult with a healthcare professional to determine if medication is a suitable option for you.

  • Create a Structured Routine: Establishing a daily routine can help you stay on track and minimize distractions. Set specific times for work, meals, exercise and relaxation and stick to this schedule as closely as possible.

  • Use Task Lists and Planners: Write down your tasks and prioritise them. Breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps can make them feel less overwhelming. Digital or physical planners, to-do lists and calendar apps can help you keep track of your responsibilities.

  • Eliminate Distractions: Identify common distractions in your environment and take steps to minimize them. This may include turning off notifications on your phone, using website blockers or creating a dedicated workspace that is free from distractions.

  • Time Management Techniques: Techniques like the Pomodoro Technique (working in short, focused bursts with breaks in between) or time blocking can be helpful in managing your time effectively.

  • Set Clear Goals: Define clear and achievable goals for your tasks. Knowing the purpose and expected outcome of a task can help you stay motivated and focused.

  • Stay Organized: Keep your physical and digital spaces organized. Use labels, folders, and color-coding to make it easier to find what you need and reduce clutter.

  • Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness meditation and deep breathing exercises can improve your ability to stay present and focused. Regular practice can also help manage stress, which can exacerbate ADHD symptoms.

  • Exercise and Diet: Regular physical activity and a balanced diet can have a positive impact on your overall well-being and focus. Aim for regular exercise and consider consulting a nutritionist for dietary guidance.

  • Sleep: Prioritise good sleep hygiene to ensure you are well rested. A consistent sleep schedule and a comfortable sleep environment can make a big difference in your ability to focus.

  • Seek Support: Share your challenges and goals with friends, family members or a support group. They can offer encouragement, accountability and understanding.

  • Learn About ADHD: Educate yourself about ADHD to better understand your condition. Knowledge about your symptoms and how they affect you can empower you to make informed choices and develop effective strategies.

Be Kind to yourself

Remember that managing adult ADHD is an ongoing process and it is okay to seek help and make changes as you need them. Be kind and patient with yourself and celebrate all your successes big and small. With the right techniques, strategies and support, you can improve your ability to stay focused with your adult ADHD mind.

Additional Support

There is a lot of support out there. In my opinion this podcast by Huberman is really interesting – ADHD & How Anyone Can Improve Their Focus | Huberman Lab Podcast #37

Other support:

For individual support I am here for you. Contact me to book an initial session and I will support you.

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

What is Burnout and How to Manage it

What is Burnout and How can I Manage it?

What is Burnout?

Burnout is when you are emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted often as a result of prolonged periods of chronic stress and overwork. Burnout usually happens when individuals feel overwhelmed by the demands of their work or personal life and find it challenging to cope with those demands effectively. Essentially it is all too much!

Burnout can affect various aspects of your life, including work, relationships and overall well-being. It is characterized by symptoms such as:

  • Exhaustion: Feeling drained and lacking energy, both physically and emotionally.
  • Cynicism and detachment: Developing a negative and detached attitude towards work, colleagues and responsibilities.
  • Reduced performance: A decline in job performance, productivity and overall effectiveness.

How to manage Burnout?

To manage burnout, consider the following strategies:

  • Recognise the signs: Pay attention to the early warning signs of burnout, such as feeling constantly stressed, irritable or physically unwell. Recognising and acknowledging these signs is the first step in addressing burnout.
  • Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. Avoid overextending yourself by taking on too many tasks or working excessive hours. Learn to say no when necessary.
  • Prioritise self-care: Make self-care a priority. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, meditation, deep breathing or hobbies you enjoy.
  • Manage stress: Develop effective stress management techniques, such as mindfulness meditation, yoga or regular exercise, to help reduce stress levels.
  • Seek support: Talk to friends, family members or a mental health professional such as a counsellor, about your feelings and experiences. Sometimes, simply talking about your situation with someone you trust can provide relief and new perspectives.
  • Delegate and ask for help: Do not hesitate to delegate tasks at work or seek assistance when you are overwhelmed. You don’t have to do everything on your own.
  • Set realistic goals: Avoid setting unattainable or overly ambitious goals for yourself. Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate your achievements along the way.
  • Take breaks: Ensure you take regular breaks during the work day to recharge. Short breaks can improve focus and productivity.
  • Change your environment: If possible, make changes to your work environment that promote well-being, such as adding plants, personalising your workspace or improving lighting and ergonomics.
  • Consider professional help: If burnout symptoms persist or become severe, it may be necessary to seek help from a mental health professional, such as a counsellor. Counselling can provide guidance and therapeutic interventions to address burnout effectively.

Remember that managing burnout is an ongoing process and it may mean you will need to make significant lifestyle changes. It is crucial to prioritise self-care and make changes in your life to prevent burnout from recurring. Additionally, developing resilience and stress-coping skills can help you better navigate the challenges that lead to burnout in the first place.

If you have read this and recognise you experiencing burnout please reach out for support. For individual counselling I am here for you. Contact me to book an initial session and I will support you.

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

What is the difference between Shame and Guilt?

Shame and Guilt

Shame and guilt are two complex emotions that often intertwine but possess distinct characteristics and psychological implications. While both are associated with feelings of remorse and wrongdoing, they stem from different sources and impact individuals in various ways. Understanding the difference between shame and guilt is crucial for emotional well-being and personal growth.

Shame:

Shame is a deeply negative and self-deprecating emotion that focuses on the individual as a whole rather than on a specific action or behaviour. It arises when someone perceives themselves as inherently flawed, inadequate or unworthy. Shame often leads to feelings of humiliation, a desire to hide, and a belief that one is fundamentally defective. It is a pervasive emotion that can have damaging effects on self-esteem and overall mental health.

Key characteristics of shame include:

  • Global Self-View: Shame makes individuals feel like they are fundamentally bad people, regardless of their actions. It attacks their sense of self-worth and identity.
  • Isolation and Secrecy: People experiencing shame tend to isolate themselves and hide their perceived shortcomings, as they fear being judged or rejected by others.
  • Self-Focused: Shame is primarily an inward-directed emotion, causing individuals to excessively focus on their own perceived flaws and inadequacies.
  • Toxicity: Persistent shame can lead to psychological issues such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. It may also contribute to destructive behaviours as a coping mechanism.

Guilt:

Guilt, on the other hand, is centred around a specific action or behaviour that is perceived as morally or ethically wrong. It stems from a sense of responsibility for one’s actions and their impact on others. Guilt focuses on the act itself rather than the individual’s identity, allowing for a healthier separation between one’s actions and their core self.

Key characteristics of guilt include:

  • Action-Based: Guilt is tied to a particular behaviour or action, making it easier to address and rectify. It prompts individuals to take responsibility for their actions and make amends.
  • Empathy and Concern for Others: Guilt involves recognising how one’s actions have affected others and feeling empathy for their experience. This can motivate positive change and behaviour.
  • Externalization: Guilt often involves externalizing the wrongdoing, viewing it as a mistake rather than a reflection of one’s identity.
  • Constructive Potential: Healthy guilt can lead to personal growth, as individuals are encouraged to make reparations and avoid repeating harmful actions.

In summary, the primary distinction between shame and guilt lies in their focus and impact. Shame revolves around a sense of inherent unworthiness and global self-view, while guilt centres on specific actions and their consequences. Or put simply, Shame is when we feel we have done something wrong according to our own rules and Guilt is when we feel we have done something wrong according to other peoples rules.

While both emotions can be uncomfortable, guilt has the potential to be more constructive, as it prompts individuals to take responsibility, make amends, and learn from their mistakes. Recognising these differences can help individuals navigate their emotions, promote self-acceptance, and foster personal development.

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

What is Shame?

What is Shame?

“I am bad. The focus is on self, not behaviour. The result is feeling flawed and unworthy of love, belonging and connection. Shame is not a driver of positive change.” – Atlas of the Heart – Brene Brown.

Shame is systemic, we feel it in our whole body. Shame is often delivered from our primary carer from infancy to teach us a moral code. It can be constructive, supportive and guiding when used for good. However, Continue reading “What is Shame?”

What is Emotional Intensity Disorder?

What is Emotional Intensity Disorder?

Emotional Intensity Disorder (EID) is sometimes known as:

  • Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) or
  • Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Emotional Intensity Disorder is a mental health personality disorder that affects the regulation of emotions. Emotional dysregulation is when a person experiences intense emotions that they are unable to manage in constructive ways. Continue reading “What is Emotional Intensity Disorder?”

Being a Counsellor

Being a Counsellor

Before I was a counsellor I had a career as a photographer. Through the lens of a camera I would seek a person’s external beauty and take a photograph with the best light and angle. Portrait and Wedding photography was my trade Continue reading “Being a Counsellor”