Doom Scrolling and Dopamine

Doom Scrolling and Dopamine: Why We Cannot Stop, and What It is Doing to Us

It is late. You told yourself you would put the phone down five minutes ago. Instead, you are still there, thumb moving almost on its own. It is sliding from one grim headline or anxious post to the next. Nothing you are reading is making you feel better – if anything, your chest feels tighter and your thoughts are racing. Yet somehow you cannot quite close the app.

If this sounds familiar, you are not lacking willpower. You are responding exactly the way your brain is designed to respond. Understanding why doom scrolling has such a grip on us is often the first step to loosening it.

What is Doom Scrolling?

Doom scrolling is the habit of compulsively consuming negative or distressing content online – news, social media, or both – well past the point of it being useful or informative. It became a widely recognised term during the pandemic, when many of us were glued to our screens for updates. However, the pattern has only become more entrenched since. It is helped along by apps that are quite literally engineered to keep us scrolling.

How Dopamine actually works

Dopamine gets a lot of press as the “pleasure chemical”, but that is a slight misunderstanding of what it does. Dopamine is not mainly about the enjoyment of getting something – it is about the anticipation of it. It is the neurochemical behind wanting, seeking, and checking, more than the neurochemical of satisfaction itself.

That distinction matters enormously for how apps are built. Every time you open a social media feed or a news app, your brain releases a small hit of dopamine tied to the possibility of something interesting, upsetting, validating, or new. Crucially, you never know in advance what you will find. That unpredictability is the key ingredient. Psychologists call it a “variable reward schedule” – the same mechanism that makes slot machines so compelling. A reward you can predict loses its pull fairly quickly. On the other hand, a reward that might come on this scroll, or the next one, or the one after that, keeps your brain checking indefinitely.

Doom Scrolling and the Amygdala

Doom scrolling adds a second layer on top of this. Distressing or threatening content activates the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, triggering a stress response – a release of cortisol and adrenaline, the same fight-or-flight chemicals that would once have helped you escape real physical danger. Normally, once a threat passes, your body’s calming system switches back on. But an endless feed of bad news never really “passes.” As a result, one alarming story leads straight into the next, so the stress response never gets the chance to switch off. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex – the part of your brain responsible for impulse control and weighing up whether this is actually a good use of your time – becomes less influential the longer this cycle runs.

The result is a strange loop: you scroll partly to soothe anxiety or find reassurance. Yet the scrolling itself keeps generating the very anxiety you are trying to escape.

Why this matters for how we feel

None of this is just an inconvenience. Research increasingly links heavy doom scrolling with worse overall mental health and lower life satisfaction. People who do it frequently report more irritability, disrupted sleep, and mental fatigue. They also experience a heightened risk of anxiety and depressive symptoms. There are physical knock-on effects too – headaches, muscle tension, and elevated stress in the body – plus the more indirect costs: less time moving, less time outdoors, less time genuinely connecting with the people around you.

Perhaps most frustrating is that doom scrolling rarely delivers what we are actually looking for. We tend to scroll hoping to feel more informed, more in control, or less alone with a worry. However, it usually leaves us feeling more anxious, not less.

Working with your Brain, not against it

Because this pattern is built into how dopamine and stress systems work, “just stop” is rarely realistic advice. A few gentler, more effective places to start:

- Add friction. Move news and social apps off your home screen, turn off non-essential notifications, or set a daily time limit. Small barriers matter more than they seem to.
- Give anxiety a container. Instead of checking sporadically all day, pick one or two set times to catch up on news, and let yourself close the app once you have.
- Notice the urge without acting on it immediately. Even a 30-second pause before opening an app can be enough to interrupt the automatic loop.
- Curate deliberately. Unfollow or mute accounts that consistently leave you feeling worse, and notice which sources leave you feeling informed rather than depleted.
- Replace, do not just remove. Have something to reach for instead – a short walk, read a book, a few minutes of stretching, a text to a friend – so the urge to scroll has somewhere else to go.

If it feels bigger than a habit

For some people, doom scrolling is tangled up with something deeper – ongoing anxiety, low mood, difficulty tolerating uncertainty, or a nervous system that is been on high alert for a long time. If that sounds like you, it is not a sign of weakness. Additionally, you do not have to untangle it alone. In counselling, we can look at what the scrolling is really doing for you – what it is soothing, avoiding, or trying to control. Together, we can build a more sustainable way of relating to anxiety, news, and rest.

If you would like some support with this or other things, please get in touch to arrange an initial counselling session – carolineellisoncounselling@gmail.com

Caroline Ellison Accredited BACP Counsellor & Psychotherapist www.carolineellisoncounselling.co.uk Fleet, Hampshire | 07818 798597

This blog was collated from internet sources for information by a counsellor in Fleet, Hampshire – Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Sources:

This article has been created with the help of AI and is grounded in the science in current sources (Harvard Health, American Brain Foundation, Psychology Today, and a 2025 academic review on “dopamine-scrolling”)

Do you find it hard to make friends

Why Do Some People Find It Harder to Make Friends?

If making friends has always felt harder for you than it seems to for other people, you are not alone – and it’s rarely down to any single cause. In my work as a counsellor, this is something clients bring up often, usually with a good deal of self-blame attached. So I want to unpack what’s actually going on, because understanding the *why* can take a lot of that shame out of the picture.

Early experiences shape our starting point

The way we were cared for as children has a lasting effect on how easily we connect with others as adults. Children who grow up with consistent, responsive caregiving tend to develop what psychologists call secure attachment. That security becomes a kind of template – it makes it easier later in life to trust people, read social cues accurately, and tolerate the small vulnerabilities that friendship inevitably asks of us.

People whose early relationships were inconsistent, neglectful, or unpredictable often develop different patterns instead – perhaps pulling away from closeness, or feeling anxious about being rejected. These patterns can make new friendships genuinely harder to build and sustain, even when the desire for connection is just as strong.

Social skills are learned, not innate

For most of us, the skills involved in making friends are not something we are simply born with – they are built through practice. Reading tone of voice and body language, knowing how to open a conversation, sensing when someone wants to keep talking or wrap things up, gently recovering from an awkward moment – all of this is learned through repetition.

If you had fewer opportunities to practise – because of a difficult home life, frequent moves, social anxiety that kept you more isolated, or a neurodivergent way of processing social cues – it makes sense that friend-making would feel harder. That is not a reflection of how much you care about people; it is simply a matter of fewer reps and therefore less practise.

Mental health plays a significant role

Conditions like social anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem interfere directly with the very behaviours friendship depends on: reaching out first, sitting with a bit of awkwardness, believing you are worth someone’s time and attention. Depression in particular can create a difficult loop – withdrawing from others leads to fewer connections, which then deepens the low mood, making the next step outward feel even harder.

Personality and temperament matter too – but they are more neutral than they seem

It is worth saying clearly: introverts are not less capable of friendship. Many simply need fewer, deeper connections rather than a wide circle, and they often recharge through solitude rather than socialising. The trouble is that our culture tends to reward constant initiating and large social networks, so introverts can get unfairly read as “bad at” friendship when really they are just built differently.

Circumstances create – or remove – the opportunity

Friendship depends heavily on something researchers call repeated, low-stakes contact over time – simply crossing paths with the same people again and again in a relaxed setting. School does this for us automatically. Adulthood often does not. Working from home, moving cities, or taking on caregiving responsibilities can all quietly remove the structures that used to manufacture connection for us – and when that happens, even someone with strong social skills can struggle, purely because the opportunity is not there anymore.

How we see ourselves can become self-fulfilling

Finally, our own beliefs about our social ability shape our behaviour. If you have come to believe you are “just bad” at making friends, you may approach new people more guardedly, or give up sooner than you would otherwise – which can then reinforce the very belief you started with.

Where this leaves us

If any of this resonates, it is worth remembering that difficulty with friendship is almost never one single thing – it is usually some combination of early relational patterns, practised skill, mental health, temperament, and current circumstances. None of that means you are broken or destined to struggle forever. These patterns were learned, which means new ones can be learned too, often with the right support.

If you would like to explore what is been getting in the way of connection for you, I will be happy to help. Feel free to get in touch to arrange a session.

Caroline Ellison Accredited BACP Counsellor & Psychotherapist www.carolineellisoncounselling.co.uk Fleet, Hampshire | 07818 798597

Healing After an Affair

Healing After an Affair: Gottman’s “Atone, Attune, Attach” Model

Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful – or realising the damage your own choices have caused – can feel like the ground has disappeared beneath you. Many couples I work with arrive in this place utterly overwhelmed, unsure whether their relationship can survive and feel lost with what to do next to move forwards.

If both in the couple want to find a way to recovery, recovery is possible. It is not quick, and it is not easy, but many couples do come through an affair with a relationship that is more honest and more connected than it was before.

One of the most helpful frameworks I draw on in couples work is Dr John Gottman’s model for rebuilding trust after betrayal, often described as three phases:

**Atone, Attune, and Attach**

Gottman’s research has followed couples who successfully recovered from infidelity, and it found that healing tends to move through these three overlapping stages. I want to share a little about what each one involves, because understanding the shape of the road ahead can make it feel a little less frightening to walk.

It is rarely a straight line

Before I go into the three phases, it is important to say each couple will move through Atone, Attune and Attach in accordance to their relationship and its patterns. We are all unique and will approach this pathway to recovery in our own way. For example, you might feel steady one week and be back in raw pain the next. This is not a failure or a sign you not are doing it right – it is simply how healing from betrayal often goes. Most couples I see move backwards and forwards between these stages many times before they find solid ground again. Trust the process.

Phase One: Atone

This is usually the hardest phase, and it is where the work of rebuilding safety begins. The partner who was unfaithful needs to take full responsibility for what happened:

- - without defensiveness
  - without minimising
  - without shifting any blame onto their partner.

This often means ending all contact with the affair partner, answering difficult questions honestly, and offering transparency in a way that helps rebuild a sense of safety, for as long as it’s needed.

Meanwhile, the hurt partner needs space to feel and express their pain

- - the shock
  - the grief
  - the anger – without being rushed through it.

It is very common for the same questions to come up again and again in this phase. That is not a setback; it is simply part of how the mind processes something so destabilising.

Atonement lays the foundation. Without genuine accountability here, it is very difficult for the next two phases to take root.

Phase Two: Attune

Once a degree of safety has been re-established, the focus shifts towards emotional connection. Attunement is about genuinely wanting to understand your partner’s inner world – their fears, their needs, their experience – even when what they share is painful to hear.

In sessions, I often encourage couples to build small, regular habits of checking in with one another: a few honest minutes each day where you share how you are really feeling, using “I” statements –

“I feel…” rather than “you always…”

Listening to understand, rather than to respond, is a skill and like any skill, it strengthens with practice. This is also where couples often start creating new, positive shared experiences that are not overshadowed by the affair.

Phase Three: Attach

The final phase is about rebuilding closeness – emotionally and physically – and forming a renewed sense of “us.” This includes restoring physical intimacy, but only at a pace that feels genuinely safe for both partners, with open conversation about needs and boundaries along the way.

It is common for intrusive thoughts or old fears to resurface during intimate moments, even once a couple feels they have made real progress. This is a normal part of healing, not a sign that something is wrong. Couples in this phase often find it helpful to create small new rituals together – a weekly date night, a nightly check-in – that help build fresh memories and a renewed sense of partnership.

A gentle reminder

There is no fixed timetable for this work. Meaningful healing after betrayal often takes a year or more, and that is completely normal. What matters far more than speed is consistency – small, honest steps taken again and again, on both sides.

If you and your partner are trying to find your way back to each other after an affair, please know that you do not have to do this alone. Couples counselling can offer a safe, structured space to work through each of these phases at a pace that feels right for you both. If this is something you are facing, I will be glad to talk with you about how I can support you. You can get in touch via the contact page to arrange a first session. Taking that first step is brave, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Caroline Ellison Accredited BACP Counsellor & Psychotherapist www.carolineellisoncounselling.co.uk Fleet, Hampshire | 07818 798597

Dive Response to Regulate Emotions

Using the Dive Response to Regulate Emotions

Have you ever splashed water on your face to settle your nerves? That instinctive action taps into the Dive Response. When you put your face into water, it triggers this natural reflex, helping your body reset and manage your emotions.

What is the Dive Response?

The Dive Response, also called the mammalian dive reflex, is an automatic physiological reaction that happens when your face contacts water. It involves a set of autonomic nervous system responses aimed at conserving oxygen and keeping your vital organs safe during submersion. Although it’s well-known in diving mammals and human breath-holding, recent research indicates it might also be a powerful tool for emotional regulation.

Understanding the Dive Response

This reflex brings about three main changes in your body:

Bradycardia – your heart slows down
Peripheral vasoconstriction – blood vessels in your extremities tighten
Apnea – a pause in breathing

These reactions work together to save oxygen for organs like your brain and heart. When water touches your face, it activates the trigeminal nerve, which sends signals to your brainstem to automatically kick in these responses.

The Connection Between the Dive Response and Emotions

Studies show that activating the dive response can influence your emotional state in multiple ways:

Reducing Stress and Anxiety:
The calming effects of slowing your heart and controlling your breath mimic meditation. Using controlled breath-holding exercises can help you feel more relaxed, lowering stress hormones like cortisol.
Balancing Your Nervous System:
The dive reflex stimulates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part that promotes rest and recovery. Regular practice, like underwater breathing (meaning breath-holding, free diving, or specific breathing techniques) or face immersion, can build emotional resilience and help manage mood swings.
Boosting Focus and Mindfulness:
The intense concentration required during breath-holding can create a meditative state. This heightened awareness can break negative thought cycles, supporting emotional stability.

Therapeutic Possibilities

More and more, professionals are exploring how to use the dive response for emotional health. Techniques such as static apnea or simply immersing your face in water are being looked at as safe, non-invasive ways to ease anxiety, PTSD, and mood issues. These methods harness your body’s natural responses to cultivate calm and emotional balance.

In Summary

The mammalian dive reflex isn’t just a survival tool for underwater adventures, it is a promising method for emotional regulation, helping reduce stress, clear your mind, and build resilience. As science advances, incorporating dive response techniques into mindfulness and therapy could become a valuable part of emotional wellness strategies.

Being a Counsellor

Before I was a counsellor I had a career as a photographer. Through the lens of a camera I would seek a person’s external beauty and take a photograph with the best light and angle. Portrait and Wedding photography was my trade Continue reading “Being a Counsellor”